Blog Entry: April 28, 2024

This is my first ever blog entry. I don't really know what to put here otherwise than, hi? Hello, random stranger? I wonder how you've stumbled upon this little blog. I don't even really know why I'm making this whole blog other than to just try, Try what? Try to learn something new I guess? To learn more about myself? To formulate my thoughts more clearly? Not any solid, distinct reason I suppose.

Well, anyways let me get onto the actual blogging part. It's near the end of my college semester. Little less than 3 weeks left before I'm done with community college. It feels like it was just yesterday when I graduated high school and began attending college but in reality, it's been three years. At least I got two associates out of it! I'm going to a university in the fall and here I am at the edge of it all, terrified.

I'm not proud to say that I am terrible at keeping up, I procrastinate, the act of doing things terrifies me sometimes. Even right, I'm writing a blog entry while I'm at work. It's pathetic really. There's important documents I still haven't done even though the deadline looms closer. I procrastinated so much on art homework, I have over 20 hours of art to do this week just to hope to be able to catch up in time. I have an exam on Thursday and another next week before yet another two exams two weeks from now. Finals, amiright?

So why am I afraid, why am I stressed? I think most of it comes, not from a fear of failure, but a fear of letting people down. I am pretty well known in my family for being the "smart one". Hell, one of my nicknames if Professor! For a long time now, I've been thinking that I might have ADHD because I sure show so many of the symptoms. I don't know how to bring it up to the people around me though, because mentioning that 'hey I have trouble focusing' just gets a 'just focus! its not hard'! I like to make the analogy that an ADHD brain is like taking a large dog on a walk. Most of the times, its fine when everything is going good. The dog walks alongside with you but when the dog sees something interesting, like a squirrel, or something scary like, a vaccum, you will not be able to control the dog. Sure, logically, you know that you shouldn't go chasing after that squirrel but you can't exactly stop the dog! It's a lot stronger than you!

I don't know whether I do have ADHD or not and there's a lot of things I still need to do but well, enough complaining about them now, guess I need to go actually do them.

Art pictured above is The Banks of the Marne at Charenton c. 1895 Armand Guillaumin, downloaded from Unsplash from The Cleveland Museum of Art.